Shit Happens....

....history repeats itself....yet again!!

2010-01-06T23:14:00.000-08:00

the start to this new year wasn't very great or special.Morning of 31st was spent in getting tickets for 3idiots and like always I spent the new years eve on the internet and tv. i rang in the new year with Mtv. Blearrgghh! I was pissed when I got up. It didn't even feel special or exciting that it was the new year. Was pissed at dad, didn't wish him new year. Neither did he bother to wish me.
Hols were coming to a not so eventful end. I wasted 10 on 15 days on the internet. To top it all results would be out soon and I would be back to my pitiful existence at KU. 4/1/10 marked the return to KU. Back in KU, first few days were fine,joking around and reminiscing holidays with the guys. Then the monotonous routine started, same old classes, same old sums and equations >__>. Results were out yesterday. Failed in 4 papers!! Assholes! I was expecting 2, but the other two were a bolt from the blue. Assholes indeed. Although I stopped caring about results, long back, I had the mountainous task of convincing and calming my parents. Dad was kinda cool with it. Mom exploded....and I had to say a lot to calm her down. Saala, har baar yahi hota hai. This pattern keeps repeating. I told my folks I wasn't cut out for engineering, but they didn't listen to me. They never do, no one ever does. >__<.
Well, now I have to work my ass off to clear these goddamn papers. Oh and I hadn't taken any resolution so far. But the I have taken now, next time someone wishes me a "Happy New Year" I'll punch in their face :@@!!

Oh btw, Happy new year !!

2010-01-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

new blog guys.

check my profile!!!check out the blog too!!

...tis the season to be jolly... :D

2009-12-17T23:22:00.000-08:00

Okay. So you all can guess the change in the layout. It's my favorite time of the year. There's always something magical in the air. Even though I'm no Christian... these holidays have always been special. Something good has always happened during these times. It truly brings the cheer with it. I hope it cheers you too.
May all you're worries be wiped away.

Wishing whoever reads this a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year :))

...And yet another tree, sheds its leaves...

2009-11-28T10:31:00.000-08:00

And so another semester has passed, this one more eventful than the other. A wee bit more I daresay. My new roommates are great and we share great chemistry. Then.. time passed, I got picked to manage my college's newspaper. Not huge , but huge enough since it makes for a stepping stone for me as an amateur manager. I haven't thought about dad's business, but I would definitely give a shot at financial administration.
Should be be fun. Moving on, I am hooked onto photography. At this juncture I should probably put up some photos, but my 2MP camera is not sufficient. The long distance/zoomed photos are not good at all. Need to get a camera soon.

Many things seem to be going well lately. Finally got my PSP pimped. Got games at prices I never dreamed of. I'm of course hoping and praying that clear all my papers xD. Personally I'm feeling good. The desperation is wearing off. Chatted with my pals yesterday. Seeing things a bit more clearly. I Love Winter. Was always the best season. With the holiday, comes cheer, and this seems to have made all the difference.

I hope I can spread the cheer,
Yours Truly,

All grown up ^^

2009-09-19T03:33:00.000-07:00

So yes, I finally believe that I have got something to write, which is worthy of adding to this blog..
Now I donno if I had mentioned this before... but I update this blog, only with the deepest of my thoughts.. or some emotion which has driven me to an extent of leaving no option , but to share it with people.
For weeks now, ever since I returned from my last visit to Mumbai, I had been contemplating on how good life was there for my pals you know... none too far for the other... they’re all connected
But after seeing those guys, talking to them... some of them had an absolutely flippant attitude, while some were serious.. while some were having a good time and were still doing good in life so far....in other’s I saw resentment, bitterness, fear, happiness, indifference, everything!!! After taking a good 5 days to spend with all my old pals... I inferred that life was quite better off for me than I thought!
Okay, so my college had some “rules” which were a little choking... but they never directly affected me you know... I didn’t find it so hard to follow them.... I found that my “indifference” once again has helped me beat boredom. Although the only thing remains is to excel a bit academically, then I guess it would be a tad too good...As far as making friends is concerned, I think I’ve reached out to all the right people and I am having fun... although there are tons of things I need to work on and tons of talents of mine to hone. :D I guess I am slowly but surely inching towards what I wanted...
You know, a year back it was hard to even think that I would be moving out, from a place where I’d lived my entire life... but today when I think back, about the tantrums that followed, the futile endless discussions with mother and father, trying to convince them to not move, the disbelief, emotional shit, sitting with friends, discussing stuff; It leaves me with a smile. I remember asking mother if she would let me visit sometimes, and fathers’ promise that we could come back for holidays. As you might be thinking, they were pretty much hollow promises. It took them a year to let me go, but when they finally did, they let me go alone, which pretty much was the best thing about it. I had thought that I’d never be able to recover from the wounds of being torn away from there. I’d thought I’d remain a sad, sad man. But I don’t feel the pain or sadness anymore. In fact I’m kind of moving on from that. It no longer bothers me; in fact I look forward to new endeavours, concentrate on college, and take whatever life gives me, directly out of the oven. I guess I could maybe say I’m growing up.

2008-12-24T09:05:00.000-08:00

Its been nearly 6 months now, since the painful parting-from-home episode!
Well, life moves on, so do people around you. Well when it was obvious to me
that my parents wanted me to be studying ONLY in Kerala or TN, I knew that
they would rest only until they had secured me a seat in a good Uni in either of
them places. And so after some setbacks and negotiations, I finally got into
KU. Then, once my admission was finalised, we decided to leave to Mum, after
1.5 solid months in Kerala! With me returned my cousins, with whom I had a
super phun time!xD. Well time passed, and they left!, which made me realize that
soon we would be leaving too =(. So I was asked by dad, to get ready to be leaving
anytime after my birthday,which is on 2nd June. They weren't even gonna wait for
my birthday, but I made it very clear that I wouldn't have a word against me being
at home to celebrate my 18th with besties.
So with that settled I had a blast on my birthday with 10 of my "besties"
who had made life meaningful. After that, I never had time to go out with my pals,
like "for one final time" . We decided on one day. but as fate would have it, dad got
tickets for the very day!, and they left me in the dark about this sudden trip!
I got up , got ready and was leaving for my day with the guys , when mom barges in
and on seeing me all dressed up, says " Oh good, you're ready, pack your bags, and
ready, we need to catch a flight in 2 hours! =O Rudest shock of my life! I couldn't believe it!
I wasn't very lucky, and this was the zenith of unluckyness! I cursed whoever and whatever
came into my head.

That day was very very sad indeed! It was like , I died an untimely death and my soul couldn't
rest in peace!
I was numb, I was panicking, it was like, there were so many emotions rushing through me,
I felt I would be torn, if I didn't take an effort to control myself. So , in an effort to calm myself.
I reassured myself that, I could always come back.....but that too was marred, I knew my mom
wouldn't want me back in a place which she didnt think was conducive my growth.
I wanted reassurance, so I asked dad, cos if he agreed, then mom wouldn't stop me.
So, to my big surprise dad did agree... and he said it in such a fashion, I knew he wouldn't
break his word! So... thereon , on 11th June 08, began my journey towards a new life.
It rained that day in Mum, hard, real hard. We thought we wouldn't make it to the airport,
it was like the rain, was pouring to express my pain!

I know it might no make sense, but if you have had to be in such pain, you'd know.
And then things were a blur, cos I didnt care about stuff much.
Little did I know that this attitude would cost me later on.

Well, once I went to hostel, it turned to be much better than I anticipated. I talked to my
roomies, poured my feelings to my now best pal, and it actually helped me out!

6 months have passed, even though my emotions have finely helped themselves out,
I feel this TERRIBLE void in my heart, I believe one last meet with my pals would help me fill it,
and make whole again. Its not nice to live like some part of your being is left in a place
from where you can never retrieve it...
Now its Christmas, this might sound corny, but I believe in miracles, and right now, all I'm
wishing for is a MIRACLE. Cos , when dad finally decided to get me a tkt to Mum, guess
what? Bad luck kicks in, in the form of 17770 bucks for a round trip! Dad wasnt ready to
make such an expense so that I could meet my pals!

Well, that was an anti-MIRACLE! =X I couldn't believe it, why would life be so cruel?
But then I suppose everything happens for a reason... this must be too...
Dad said he'll try to lemme go to Mum for New Years , but again the cost might have doubled
and I have no hope whatsoever.
I s'pose I'll havta live along with this feeling... I guess its for the best.
I call my pals, whenever its possible and have a chat with them.
I thought they might not be missing me as much I am them,
but I guess there are a few. Its heartening to know people care, gives you a happy feeling
in the tummy =D

One day, I'll meet them, one day my misery will end too, its not a great big misery, just
a teensy weensy one... but hey it bothers a LOT!
Once this mess is cleared, I can go back to beginning a new life, to a new beginning.
I've always believed shit happens in life... I guessed shit just happened for me.
Till this clears up, I'll live in anticipation, I just hope it doesn't get too late.

Related song excerpt

Free bird- Lynyrd Skynyrd

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause theres too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you,
Things just couldnt be the same.
cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet life.
Though this feeling I cant change.
But please dont take it badly,
cause lord knows Im to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldnt be the same.
Cause Im as free as a bird now,
And this bird youll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.
Lord help me, I cant change.

An Apt Song... Exactly what I feel right now...except for the animal part...

2008-12-14T09:28:00.000-08:00

I can't escape this hell
So many times i've tried
But i'm still caged inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

I can't escape myself
So many times i've lied
But there's still rage inside
Somebody get me through this nightmare
I can't control myself

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

Somebody help me through this nightmare
I can't control myself
Somebody wake me from this nightmare
I can't escape this hell

So what if you can see the darkest side of me?
No one will ever change this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal I have become
Help me believe it's not the real me
Somebody help me tame this animal

A fucked up life, where shitloads happened, and no one cared. Cos shit smells Bleaah

2008-12-12T10:56:00.000-08:00

Someone said it right

"Home is from where one starts",
"A friend in need is a friend indeed"

From the time I can remember,this place is home to me ---> Mumbai

Beautiful city. Its a collage this one!
My relation with it is a really deep rooted one.
I was only born in Thrissur, Kerala.
But I was brought up in Mumbai.
I lived there for the past 17.5 years.
Now you can imagine the type of BOND I have with this place.
All my "firsts" were here
Its where,
I learnt to walk, talk, run, swear =D, EVERYTHING.
As time I grew up, making new friends,
Learning to love the place where I lived, along with them.
Even then, there were some anti-social elements.
But they helped me improve.
From 1-10 to 11-18
In these important phases of life,
I became who I am today.....
10-11 was a phase when my parents decided to leave Bombay for elsewhere.
That came as a complete shock, but soon we returned,
cos "elsewhere" wasn't conducive to my mental health.
11-18 wasn't the 7th heaven of delight.
I found it difficult to adjust,
cos we decided to live in a new area , way away from my old haven *Sniff*
The place new, friends new, school new, I was a stranger.
And that was period, when teenage kicked in.
It was like warping, boy was it UGLY.
Everything about life sucked ass!
Life was bitch, it decided to toss me about!
Grades fucked up[ Even today, its the same =P]
Mom-dad
SAD!
Friends bitching, trying to live upto others expectations, having crushes!
Shit was happening and I couldn't control it! =O
In the process I couldn't take care of myself.
Yet again , playing a part in making me who I am today[ Not a big one though, but yeah]
By the end of school,
life was a catastrophe, a collage of dull colors... as dull as my future then.....
It was completely predictable!
Then I prayed for a new beginning, and it came and big time too!

IT WAS COLLEGE!
Okay new beginning , new lifestyle, new Everything.
College was bright.
It brought out a new me, someone who was compressed like a Rar file before.
The new me, made a lot of friends, they all liked me I guess!
It made me a few enemies as well, cos I guess there has to balance eh?
Well these guys were one of the best part of my life!
Awesomeness, randomness a few words which come to my mouth when I talk about them!
I met a large group of guys/gals!
We were a fraternity! There were people of all types! I couldn't believe my luck!
We hanged about, made fun a big part of life!
Grades improved in college, so mom n dad never complained about studies!
But when I started having fun, something started pulling me back... shockingly they were my
VERY OWN PARENTS!

Darn! was my expression!
Now what?-I ask
You know, its the prime of your teen.
You have 2 choices,
Go have "fun" with these dudes of your
or hang out with your normal friends, who don't go for this "fun"
[ This they said, cos I had 2 groups of pals in college...
one a normal group of guys , who later on became the only ones who mattered to me!
the other the usual freaks... the ones who went out with gals,
went to concerts, guys with galfriends and stuff]
Well at first I kinda rebuked their advice, but later on went on to repent it
and then completely decided to hang out the normal people!
By normal I mean they studied and had fun.
We went to movies, McDonald's studied together, went gaming[ these guys were the ones who made realize , I had a thing fer gaming! Kudos u guys, wherever you are]
They were cool totally! They were always there for me, and me for them!
We have a lotta fond memories, that we share!
Soon the time came for us to part, we knew the moment would arrive someday!
So we spent everyday like it was it!
On parting time, it wasn't strange.
We parted on a good note.
And I had reached a point in life, where I couldn't convince my parents to let me study in Mumbai,
So we decided to move,
leave this home of mine,
for another one,
Kerala!

I became sad, but never rebelled...
I took things they were granted....
And then when finally time had come
to join a new place...
Engineering college!

A new vista,
one where life would turn.
And whether the turn would be smooth or not rested in my hands!
It was indeed a great weight , which was nevertheless, taken up, no choices there!
I ended up... in a college which dad-mom loved very much....
Its a good one, and I am trying hard to love it....
Luck gave out even when I wanted to pay my way into a good college.
I guess that someday, something will definitely work out!
New college brought new friends.... but like earlier,
I decided new friends weren't for me,
as another separation would definitely come,that too after 4 years of stay together!
So I'm kinda in a very informal talk-have fun laugh along terms with my current hostel mates
Though I HAVE made 3 friends.... like my old "normal group".... Its great with those guys.....it feels good....
I just hope , things go on like this.......
They're great at the moment.

Even though I have missed many ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITIES WITH PALS...... I'm sure many more will come up,
and I hope not to screw it up.....
I left my old home for good, and I wish I can return there , and make it big in the City of Never ending Opportunities!

Some one also said, Home is from where you leave and never turn back.

I guess I have left my home, and I won't 'turnin back for a long time! *sniffles*

Related song excerpt

To all my long lost pals,
If you ever read this!

" Staaay!,
Stay with me and help me end this day,
And if you don't mind,
We'll open a bottle of wine"

[Tears]....

You guys rock!\m/

Abstract expressions

2008-12-12T10:44:00.000-08:00

As i sit beside my window

I see the blue sky

The winds ruffle my hairmake it askew,

I close my eyes and breath in the air

And then the wind whispers in my ear,

Come join us,

For its only fair that we show u the secrets

That are rightfully yours

But evades you so!

Come join us,

For with us you can see the world

In way you'd never see it.

We will ease you of your pain

And we speak not in vain

We will sing with the rains

And run above the plains

We will show u the sand dunes ,

Which are abuzz with our tunes

Let us help you break the shackles

That tether you to this world

Making your life something so fake!

We will take away ur pain!

Ah those words , how they soothed me!

I knew that their words were not futile

How i wished to break open the shackles that bound me to the earthly plain

making me live in vain

but, spoke a voice in my head

Don't u think that there is yet many things to explore?

Dont u think that there are things left to do?

Dont worry, ur turn will come,

The wind will take away ur pain

Till then let us wait and die another day

And make you realize that you have lived naught in vain....

Shit Happens

2008-02-25T08:15:00.000-08:00

Yes sir shit happens...
The life some of us live right now
Isn't worth the sacrifices made to live it you know...
When you think about the dreams you had...
When you think of how much hard you worked to achieve it
And the fact that you simply ran outta luck....its frustrating.
Exactly what I'm going through now... it might not have been big..
But yet so.. here I am , in some fucked up college,
Doing God knows what...
Okay fine maybe the stream was my own choice, but I donno, now that I'm studying it,
I'm not sure its what I want... I wanted to something to define myself, so that I could like
Know myself better! Remaining confused isn't a very nice feeling.
I wish I wasn't so mediocre! I don't even know if trying enough!
Its like someone/thing is blocking my thinking ability!
Its I'm drugged or something! I'm always onto my roommate to ask doubts
I'm always having frigging doubts! Bleah!
Now my roomie is a really good guy.. he's realized himself and that's cool.
He never looks for common opinion, goes ahead with his own shit , makes it happen!
Whenever I look at him, I'm like "there he goes, he's always with his head up, knows all shit, about himself, other stuff, what he wants and so-so
And he makes it happen!

There you go!
Shit happens! -_- But if I could make shit like that happen.. boy I would give anything up for that!
I just wish someone would help me....
Oh this wish , is my shit!

I just wish it would happen....

Related song excerpt

" ....and we'll pursue the shadow,
of yesterday's triumph,
sail on the steel breeze!
Come on you poor child,
you winner and loser!
Come on you minor
To truth and delusion...
.......And shine!!!!

Hell yea,
Its a new beginning,
lets shine,
And make this SHIT HAPPEN!

\m/